Thoughts

You know, when I got back from Iceland, my intention was to take it easy for a few days, re-adjust to the real world, and then post about my trip.

Unfortunately, while I was adjusting, I lost a dear friend. He passed away suddenly and unexpectedly.

I’ll tell you what – losing a friend who was only 29 and had no apparent health problems will shock you to the very core of your being.

So, instead of writing, I’ve been in that state you go into when these kinds of things happen.

I’ll will say this – I’m so glad I had my trip to Iceland when I did. I met a lot of amazing people. I figured out what my “neutral state” is (it’s pretty much devoid of anxiety). I finally got completely relaxed.

My roommate while I was in Iceland was an amazingly friendly Canadian named Elissa. We talked a lot, which happens when you’re knitting together and hanging out.

She’s outgoing and positive and pretty laid back. Those are such a wonderful qualities to have. Especially the laid-back part. If you ever wonder how to make others feel at ease, not being a spaz is the key.

So, in spending a week with her, I studied her laid-backness and tried to absorb as much as I could. We talked about her laid-backness. She mentioned that part of it was because she’s just gotten to that point where she doesn’t really give a damn.

I think that being Canadian helped, too.

It’s not that hard to be that way (laid back, not Canadian). All you gotta do is look at how you’re doing things, and change some stuff.

For me, I’m astoundingly good at absorbing other people’s stress and anxiety, taking it on for myself, and then expressing it like they are (or moreso). Most of the time I’m not even aware that I’m doing it.

It happens a lot.

It’s f*cking annoying, and it doesn’t help anything. It raises my blood pressure, stresses me out, stresses other people out, and makes me less fun to be around.

And since my friend passed away, I’m much more aware that I’m doing it, and I have reached the point that I am just physically unable to do that anymore.

If there’s a problem, I’m going to do what I can to fix it. But I will not flip out, yell at random CSR folks on the phone, and spew negativity until the problem is fixed. I’m going to do everything I can, and then I’m going to move on.

I’m still planning on posting about my trip. Today was the first day in about 3 1/2 weeks where I finally felt like I was getting back to normal, and I’m feeling reflective. I did want to drop in and let you guys know that I haven’t forgotten about the trip.

I should be back to blogging normally soon.

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About Baldeesh

I'm a crafty and creative person. I live in Chicago with my 2 cats. I survived the Blizzard of 2011. I make my own soap. I also make my own yogurt. I love travel - especially to England and Scotland.
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